Being out of touch with the world and not a drinker, I had not heard of this new, cheap highly alcoholic beverage, FourLoko.I heard of it when one of our student reporting teams pitched a story on it.
The 23 oz drink has as much caffeine as a cup of coffee, 12% alcohol (in Missouri. It varies by state.) And sells for the ridiculously low price of $2.49 at my local Quik Trip. The sensationalized names for it include blackout in a can and liquid cocaine.
It’s cheap, it’s legal, it doesn’t taste like beer and comes in several flavors. Something in me was dying to try it.
So tonight’s the night. I bought the fruit punch flavor. Most you you might know that I’m not much of a drinker and don’t like the taste of beer at all. So I’ve also bought strawberries and Cool Whip, just in case I need to turn this into a smoothie.
I’ve put away the car keys, I’m not going near the power tools. I’m in for the night and I’m going to try to drink the full can. The only witnesses are Frankie and Alvie. This could get ugly.
I’m so pathetic. Did I drink too much, too soon? I’m already ready to go to Plan B: Cool Whip and strawberries to turn this into a smoothie. Though I’m already hurting, I’d really like to see what I’m like if I drink the whole thing.
I can certainly see why so many people are arguing to have this banned. I’m not sure responsible drinking is possible with this stuff.
Plan B is working. I’m now more than half way through this 23 oz. can of Four Loko. I think my point has been made, I think I’ve gathered enough evidence to form solid conclusions. I didn’t start this post with a premise, but I did have one. I suspected that I wouldn’t like the taste nor the effect of FourLoko. I was right.
But I also know that there is a market for this drink, one that was specifically targeted. They’ll make a lot of money — until it’s banned everywhere except Peoria.
My tweets while drinking have been a bunch of goofy non sequiters and my students have loved it. I have picked up six new followers and this post is getting more views than anything else I’ve ever done. I’ve enjoyed being less inhibited, but my head hurts and my ears are on fire. I hope I don’t feel like doggie dodo in the morning.
My bottom line: Four Loko is all that I feared it would be. It’s too large, too cheap and the alcohol content is too high. The clerk at QuikTrip said it’s selling very well. That’s unfortunate. I favor responsible drinking, this seems anything but. I did this test in the safety of my home. Most of Four Loko’s customers probably won’t do the same.